I Dare You

I've been going through a devotional named "The Hardest 30 Days of your Life" I usually have a hard time getting in to daily books like that, I'm not sure why. Maybe it was because when I was younger and they never held my interest, whatever the reason this study has been an exception, it sucked me in, stretched me broke me, and made me grow. One of the challenges was to go on a 21 day media fast. No TV, movies, secular music or internet. I guess you never realize how attached you are to things like that until you drop them all, the hardest was the internet and music...my dog got more walks and my homework got done earlier than normal I also spent more time reading which is something I have missed. After all was said and done I'm so happy I did it, it was refreshing, I feel like I woke up a little. My thoughts seem different, my attitude. The media can be such a downer, demanding we live up to what they are, that we own what they own that we live how they live...even if you don't give in or believe it it can effect you. Take a break, try it, even if its only for a week.

And do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.... Romans 12:2

Growing Pains.

I asked God to stretch me, to help me grow in wisdom, love and strength of heart and spirit. It is intereting how God chooses to do things. It never seems to be the most pleasant way, pain, weakness and sorrow usually bring the largest change or growth. Sometimes I wish it could be different but I've come to understand that its more appreciated after coming through the storm. I have no doubt that God has a beautiful plan for me, a life more wonderful than I can even begin to imagine. I feel right now though as if I am only drifting, waiting for that life to begin. I wish his plan was more clear, I wish I knew which way to go, I want to make a difference, I want to help, just show me where....

Misfit Blessings

:A Franciscan Benediction:

May God bless you with discomfort
At easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships
So that you may live deep within your heart

May God bless you with anger
At injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people,
So that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless you with tears
To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger and war,
So that you may reach out your hand to comfort them andTo turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness
To believe that you can make a difference in the world,
So that you can do what others claim cannot be done
To bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor. Amen


I found this on a different blog and I thought I would spread the message a little further. I really like the last chunk. You never hear of foolishness explained as a gift from God...

Falling Over

I think Fall is my favorite season and though its not here yet, it will be soon. This fall is bringing a lot with it but I think I'm ready. This summer I've learned a lot, about me, about people around me and about life in general. I've grown and although I haven't finished everything I started at the begining of the summer I've made good progress and I don't plan on slowing down. The thing about growing is it isn't easy and it hurts sometimes. This summer hasn't been the easiest but its been worth it.

I'm just a preschool teacher and college student. It doesn't feel like I can do much good, like I can make much of a difference or an impact right now, however, remember, Peter was just a fisherman and he changed the world.

The Next Road On Your Left : Destiny

"As often happens the detour often ends up being your destino, your destiny." Sandra Cisneros

It was a hot summer day and my cousin Mauren and I were sitting under the huge walnut tree in my aunts yard. I was 11 or 12, she was much older, 20 or 21. I was dreaming out loud about getting my drivers licence. I told her that when I got it I was going to drive down every road I had never been on. She laughed and said that I sounded like her when she was younger. I told her I wanted to see everything I hadn't seen. Of course I still haven't driven down every road, I haven't even gone down all of the country roads surronding my little town. I like it though, when I am driving and hit a detour that takes me somewhere new and I like when I pass a road I haven't been down and I have a few extra minutes to turn and ride a little ways before I continue on my way. You never know what you will find, a river, a field, a tree that looks climable, or maybe all of the above being destroyed for yet another new subdivision. What ever it is it is nice to see a little more of the world (unless it is a new subdivision) and expand the horizons of what I know exists.

The Summer of Question and Answer

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”-Theodore Geisel

Senior year in high schoool was the year a huge piece of me stopped caring what other people thought of me. I was still shy and a somewhat insecure but I told myself I wanted the year to be a good one. I didn't want to look back and wish I had been more involved or talked to more people or see that I had spent too much time worrying about the opinions of a bunch of people I hardly knew or would hardly see after we graduated. Now, a few years later, looking back I did have a good senior year and I did stop caring to some extent. So here I am now. I want to get over that final hurdle, I want to be all myself all the tine. I want to be honest with the people I know so that our relationships can be deeper and fuller and better. I want to know myself, reafirm my beliefs and pick up all the lost pieces of me that have fallen over the years. I want to really discover who I am this summer. I want to plan my future and start to become the person I will be for the rest of my life. Not that that person is completely different from who I am now, I just want to be more sure of who I am so that I can be ready for whatever and whomever comes my way in life...

Short Lived Lilacs

"It takes some tears to make it rust and it takes the rust to have it polished."
-Jason Mraz-Life Is Beautiful-

Life is beautiful. Through the tears, the laughs, the fights, the hugs and the high fives. It was a good week. I felt free. More free then I have in a long time. Tonight at six the real world hits. School starts again, I have to go back to work. I have to make decisions about what to do with the rest of my life. I'll get tired and frustrated and I'll feel like giving up and giving in. However, when the whirl wind starts I'll have this week to look back on, the memories, the inside jokes, the conversations, and the bruises on my shins...and hopefully I'll be able to feel it all again and use it to keep going. When Caitlin is around I feel like everything fits. We feed off of each other and fill in each other's gaps. We have different opinions about certain things but its okay because we hear each other out and understand. Six years is a long time and 2 or 3 visits is not very many but I know that we will always be. The core of our friendship won't ever change. Even after we have traveled and grown we will always be able to come back and sit on the hill and feel like all is right.

Sweet Sorrow

I believe that things happen for a purpose. A purpose that fulfills a divine plan. In some cases we will never know the purpose but every once in while if you look closely and think deeply you can find it. This week I am saying good bye (again) to my best friend in the entire world. This time is different though, I don't know when I will see her again. However, she is chasing a dream and I am infinitely happy for her. We have only really known each other for 3 years which is hard to believe because it feels like it has been a lifetime since I met her and in some ways it has been. As I think back about how we became friends I can see that if I had taken any other path out of high school we never would have been friends. I like seeing things like that, its a small reminder that I'm not really in control as much as I would like to think. It also helps to remind me that this upcoming goodbye, as sad as it will be, is needed.

I'll miss you Caitlin.

Rainbow Connection?

Why are there so many songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,
And rainbows have nothing to hide.
So we've been told and some choose to believe itI know they're wrong, wait and see.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

Who said that every wish would be heard and answered
When wished on the morning star?
Somebody thought of that, and someone believed it,
And look what it's done so far.
What's so amazing that keeps us stargazingAnd what do we think we might see?
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers, and me.

All of us under its spell,We know that it's probably magic...... Have you been half asleep?
And have you heard voices?
I've heard them calling my name.... Is this the sweet sound that calls the young sailors?
The voice might be one and the same
I've heard it too many times to ignore it It's something that I'm s'posed to be...
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers, and me.

Jim Henson is someone I would have like to have met.

"When I was young, my ambition was to be one of the people who made a difference in the world. My hope is to leave the world a little better for my having been there." -Jim Henson

That's my hope too.

I could if I wanted to...

Sometimes I think I could make it work, other times I feel like I'm trying to make it fail.

Love is an action
Love is a decision

but is there more?

American Dream or American Nightmare?

My friend Josh is back from Africa and as he talked about it he told a story of a cab driver whom he was talking to. The driver was asking various questions about America, what it was like, the rumors he heard, etc. After Josh had answered his questions the driver responded by saying he was glad he didn't live in America, he was glad he didn't have all the stuff we have. He was happy being poor and living in a third world country. How many of us Americans, if asked, would think that people like this cab driver wouldn't want to trade places with us in an instant? He said that they are more thankful for the things that they have than we are, and who can argue with him? He said that they are closer to God because they have less to distract them, less that can become idols in their lives. Once again, who can argue with that. Though there may be a healthy level of "stuff" you can have and still keep God in focus do most of us stop at that level? It's quite the reality check when you really think about it.

Ugly Flower or Beautiful Decay

I work at a daycare. I like it there most days. On days like today with the snow finally melting and the sun coming out the kids get to run outside and yell and jump be warm and once again teach me more then I teach them. I was standing next to the building watching them play and as normal kids they were of course drawn to the messiest, muddiest corner of the play yard. the leaves that had been under the snow were now nothing more then black mushy decaying compost. This however was not how they saw it. One boy walked over to the pile picked up a leaf and brought it over to me in all it's droopy greatness and said "here Miss Kim I got you a flower." I said thank you and held onto it until the boy had run back to his game and forgotten all about it. The more I thought about it though the more beautiful it seemed. To the boy it wasn't a dead leaf, it was a token of friendship, he thought it was nice. How many times do I look at people or situations in my life thinking yuck I don't want this it's dirty and ugly. Why can't I see a flower in the mud? From now on that is my mission. To find the flower in the pile of decaying leaves.

Albert

"There are two ways to live your life, one is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." -Albert Einstien

Who do they say I am?

Today in my women in the arts class our teacher asked us to make a list of culturally identifying terms that described ourselves. Mine came out something like this:

.woman
.daugheter
.sister
.christian
.sports fan
.friend
.teacher
.student


Then she asked us to pick one of the terms and list what we would and would not want said about ourselves as a member of this "category." I sat there for a minute after deciding I would pick "christian" and once I got started I was quickly reminded of how many negative sterotypes of christians there are. I don't want to be associated with any of them. I want to be one who rises above, I think we as christians make it harder then it has to be. All we have to do is be love. Everything we do, say and are should be full of love. Sure we will fail, we will be mocked, but after everything Jesus went through for us doesn't what we go through see a bit insignificant in comparison?

2 Timothy 3:12 In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted.

Here I am.

We all have a place we go to escape from life now and again. I have found that windows are particularly inspiring to me. Especially the floor to ceiling kind. I could spend an entire day next to a good window thinking, writing or reading and feel like it was the best investment I had made all week. I hope I can be to you what a window is to me. Hopefully something here will challenge, inspire or teach you and I hope that in return you will do the same for me....welcome to my window seat....