The Summer of Question and Answer

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”-Theodore Geisel

Senior year in high schoool was the year a huge piece of me stopped caring what other people thought of me. I was still shy and a somewhat insecure but I told myself I wanted the year to be a good one. I didn't want to look back and wish I had been more involved or talked to more people or see that I had spent too much time worrying about the opinions of a bunch of people I hardly knew or would hardly see after we graduated. Now, a few years later, looking back I did have a good senior year and I did stop caring to some extent. So here I am now. I want to get over that final hurdle, I want to be all myself all the tine. I want to be honest with the people I know so that our relationships can be deeper and fuller and better. I want to know myself, reafirm my beliefs and pick up all the lost pieces of me that have fallen over the years. I want to really discover who I am this summer. I want to plan my future and start to become the person I will be for the rest of my life. Not that that person is completely different from who I am now, I just want to be more sure of who I am so that I can be ready for whatever and whomever comes my way in life...

Short Lived Lilacs

"It takes some tears to make it rust and it takes the rust to have it polished."
-Jason Mraz-Life Is Beautiful-

Life is beautiful. Through the tears, the laughs, the fights, the hugs and the high fives. It was a good week. I felt free. More free then I have in a long time. Tonight at six the real world hits. School starts again, I have to go back to work. I have to make decisions about what to do with the rest of my life. I'll get tired and frustrated and I'll feel like giving up and giving in. However, when the whirl wind starts I'll have this week to look back on, the memories, the inside jokes, the conversations, and the bruises on my shins...and hopefully I'll be able to feel it all again and use it to keep going. When Caitlin is around I feel like everything fits. We feed off of each other and fill in each other's gaps. We have different opinions about certain things but its okay because we hear each other out and understand. Six years is a long time and 2 or 3 visits is not very many but I know that we will always be. The core of our friendship won't ever change. Even after we have traveled and grown we will always be able to come back and sit on the hill and feel like all is right.

Sweet Sorrow

I believe that things happen for a purpose. A purpose that fulfills a divine plan. In some cases we will never know the purpose but every once in while if you look closely and think deeply you can find it. This week I am saying good bye (again) to my best friend in the entire world. This time is different though, I don't know when I will see her again. However, she is chasing a dream and I am infinitely happy for her. We have only really known each other for 3 years which is hard to believe because it feels like it has been a lifetime since I met her and in some ways it has been. As I think back about how we became friends I can see that if I had taken any other path out of high school we never would have been friends. I like seeing things like that, its a small reminder that I'm not really in control as much as I would like to think. It also helps to remind me that this upcoming goodbye, as sad as it will be, is needed.

I'll miss you Caitlin.