Falling Over

I think Fall is my favorite season and though its not here yet, it will be soon. This fall is bringing a lot with it but I think I'm ready. This summer I've learned a lot, about me, about people around me and about life in general. I've grown and although I haven't finished everything I started at the begining of the summer I've made good progress and I don't plan on slowing down. The thing about growing is it isn't easy and it hurts sometimes. This summer hasn't been the easiest but its been worth it.

I'm just a preschool teacher and college student. It doesn't feel like I can do much good, like I can make much of a difference or an impact right now, however, remember, Peter was just a fisherman and he changed the world.

The Next Road On Your Left : Destiny

"As often happens the detour often ends up being your destino, your destiny." Sandra Cisneros

It was a hot summer day and my cousin Mauren and I were sitting under the huge walnut tree in my aunts yard. I was 11 or 12, she was much older, 20 or 21. I was dreaming out loud about getting my drivers licence. I told her that when I got it I was going to drive down every road I had never been on. She laughed and said that I sounded like her when she was younger. I told her I wanted to see everything I hadn't seen. Of course I still haven't driven down every road, I haven't even gone down all of the country roads surronding my little town. I like it though, when I am driving and hit a detour that takes me somewhere new and I like when I pass a road I haven't been down and I have a few extra minutes to turn and ride a little ways before I continue on my way. You never know what you will find, a river, a field, a tree that looks climable, or maybe all of the above being destroyed for yet another new subdivision. What ever it is it is nice to see a little more of the world (unless it is a new subdivision) and expand the horizons of what I know exists.

The Summer of Question and Answer

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”-Theodore Geisel

Senior year in high schoool was the year a huge piece of me stopped caring what other people thought of me. I was still shy and a somewhat insecure but I told myself I wanted the year to be a good one. I didn't want to look back and wish I had been more involved or talked to more people or see that I had spent too much time worrying about the opinions of a bunch of people I hardly knew or would hardly see after we graduated. Now, a few years later, looking back I did have a good senior year and I did stop caring to some extent. So here I am now. I want to get over that final hurdle, I want to be all myself all the tine. I want to be honest with the people I know so that our relationships can be deeper and fuller and better. I want to know myself, reafirm my beliefs and pick up all the lost pieces of me that have fallen over the years. I want to really discover who I am this summer. I want to plan my future and start to become the person I will be for the rest of my life. Not that that person is completely different from who I am now, I just want to be more sure of who I am so that I can be ready for whatever and whomever comes my way in life...

Short Lived Lilacs

"It takes some tears to make it rust and it takes the rust to have it polished."
-Jason Mraz-Life Is Beautiful-

Life is beautiful. Through the tears, the laughs, the fights, the hugs and the high fives. It was a good week. I felt free. More free then I have in a long time. Tonight at six the real world hits. School starts again, I have to go back to work. I have to make decisions about what to do with the rest of my life. I'll get tired and frustrated and I'll feel like giving up and giving in. However, when the whirl wind starts I'll have this week to look back on, the memories, the inside jokes, the conversations, and the bruises on my shins...and hopefully I'll be able to feel it all again and use it to keep going. When Caitlin is around I feel like everything fits. We feed off of each other and fill in each other's gaps. We have different opinions about certain things but its okay because we hear each other out and understand. Six years is a long time and 2 or 3 visits is not very many but I know that we will always be. The core of our friendship won't ever change. Even after we have traveled and grown we will always be able to come back and sit on the hill and feel like all is right.

Sweet Sorrow

I believe that things happen for a purpose. A purpose that fulfills a divine plan. In some cases we will never know the purpose but every once in while if you look closely and think deeply you can find it. This week I am saying good bye (again) to my best friend in the entire world. This time is different though, I don't know when I will see her again. However, she is chasing a dream and I am infinitely happy for her. We have only really known each other for 3 years which is hard to believe because it feels like it has been a lifetime since I met her and in some ways it has been. As I think back about how we became friends I can see that if I had taken any other path out of high school we never would have been friends. I like seeing things like that, its a small reminder that I'm not really in control as much as I would like to think. It also helps to remind me that this upcoming goodbye, as sad as it will be, is needed.

I'll miss you Caitlin.

Rainbow Connection?

Why are there so many songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,
And rainbows have nothing to hide.
So we've been told and some choose to believe itI know they're wrong, wait and see.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

Who said that every wish would be heard and answered
When wished on the morning star?
Somebody thought of that, and someone believed it,
And look what it's done so far.
What's so amazing that keeps us stargazingAnd what do we think we might see?
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers, and me.

All of us under its spell,We know that it's probably magic...... Have you been half asleep?
And have you heard voices?
I've heard them calling my name.... Is this the sweet sound that calls the young sailors?
The voice might be one and the same
I've heard it too many times to ignore it It's something that I'm s'posed to be...
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers, and me.

Jim Henson is someone I would have like to have met.

"When I was young, my ambition was to be one of the people who made a difference in the world. My hope is to leave the world a little better for my having been there." -Jim Henson

That's my hope too.

I could if I wanted to...

Sometimes I think I could make it work, other times I feel like I'm trying to make it fail.

Love is an action
Love is a decision

but is there more?